Slipping

The last two days have not been perfect. I didn't feel well on Tuesday, and we went to a playgroup. Anyone who knows me knows how leaving my house effects me. Haha.

So on Tuesday, I had a fruit slushie for breakfast, made with frozen strawberries, diet 7 up, lime juice and 1 T. flax meal. I had pinto beans for lunch, and was too lazy to make a salad. I was lazy and just feeling miserable (I got stung by a wasp on Sunday and my arm was killing me, plus I'm on a very unusually yucky period), and Paul wanted Chinese. I ordered the vegetarian dish, but it was still cooked in who-knows-what-kind of oil, and it was white rice. I ate about half of it, and didn't have anything else the rest of the night. Not a perfect day, but not too shabby.

On Wednesday, I had an apple for breakfast and took the kids to an early movie. I allowed myself a diet dr. pepper and a small box of junior mints during the film. I didn't have any popcorn. Then the kids wanted Sonic for lunch and a picnic at the park. I was good, and didn't order anything for myself, not even a drink! That was a success. I had to wait another hour and a half, after I got the kids home and Libby down for a nap, before I could eat my salad. I did well, and enjoyed my salad, with some watermelon later that afternoon. I made sure to go to the store for lettuce and stuff before I got hungry. I was lazy at dinnertime again, but I made a big salad and corn on the cob. That was a success.

However, after dealing with four cranky kids all day, and the last ugly scene between Will and Reagan occuring at 11:00, when Paul said he was going to Quik Trip for Ding Dongs, I had no self control left. I could have gone to bed, but I was really looking forward to staying up to get some work done on my websites. I ate the Ding Dongs.

In the grand scheme of things, this is not a horrible failure. It is a warning though. I need to be more careful with meal planning, and find other ways to reward and comfort myself. This is a lifelong struggle, to find ways to be good to myself that don't involve eating. I think part of it is that eating doesn't feel selfish and I don't feel that I'm taking away time from someone else to do it. Anything else feels too extragavantly selfish. I never said I was normal, if I were, I wouldn't be 80 lbs overweight!